review for otuha's memories

[otuha]

post your thoughts on my story here.

tell me what you liked and what you didn't like,please post your thoughts in a format such as this for easy reading.

^{[shadow=red,left,6000]pros:[/shadow]}
I liked this story!10/10
_{[shadow=red,left,6000]cons:[/shadow]}I didn't like this story! 0/10

[glow=red,2,300]otuha/otua[/glow]

[takua the father]

not bad son, I can't wait to read the next chapter to see how you desided to go with it.
pros:
the "infotext was a good idea.
cons:
the dialogue was good , but you use too many punctuations in your sentences (example: ... () ,)

of course ,I already know the story but it's nice to see it
viewed by other people.
*dad

[otuha]

thanksdad!
~otuha

[Bishop]

Interesting premise, especially teh prologue with teh father and son... Very intriguing. Teh first part about the Tarakava, and the second about the Le-Koro fire, didn't really stir me, but I'm sure that when teh storyline unfolds, that'll get better.
Your dialogues are good, but I could do with a wider range of descriptions as well.
The colours are an original touch, but I'm no fan of it... It's not confusing, but it's just a bit chaotic to the eye.

[otuha]

we had a storm up here in ohio so I had to submit the chapter before I shut down...I'm getting ready to add the next part.

[ferimi]

the story is pretty good so far otuha but what is with the girl?
did she have any traits from a real-life person or di you just make her up?

[otuha]

ferimi said:

what is with the girl?
did she have any traits from a real-life person or di you just make her up?

no,she wasn't real,she was originally supposed to be the character that otuha (not me-the character)was supposed to marry,but then I realised it would be better to go along with a companion from ga-koro for my alter ego .
this story was written before we were together anyway.
~otuha