Yaanu
Wanderer
Po-Koronan
Woah, that T.V. has words on it!
Posts: 15
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Post by Yaanu on Jul 7, 2003 10:57:01 GMT -5
Well, what ya think?
~Yaanu~
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Post by otuha on Jul 7, 2003 14:50:17 GMT -5
dude, it needs some work.
the chapters are to short ,make them longer .
~otuha
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ferimi
Matoran
Ga-Koronan
toa of faith
Posts: 23
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Post by ferimi on Jul 11, 2003 13:48:11 GMT -5
it stinks!
I didn't think that any of it was funny at all!
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Post by otuha on Jul 11, 2003 18:54:48 GMT -5
ferimi that wasn't very nice!
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Post by Gornakle on Jul 14, 2003 8:05:46 GMT -5
it stinks! I didn't think that any of it was funny at all! 
BTW, it looks more like a comedy to me |
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Post by otuha on Jul 14, 2003 16:50:16 GMT -5
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Dark_Onua
Matoran
Onu-Koronan
"I am not exaggerating." ---Kenn Lithaen
Posts: 21
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Post by Dark_Onua on Jul 31, 2003 14:24:11 GMT -5
this IS a comedy, it would be better though if you consolidated your chapters, cleaned up your typing a bit, added more stuff... you've got only bare bones of a story here, you need to beef it up a bit.
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Post by otuha on Aug 3, 2003 21:29:09 GMT -5
this IS a comedy, it would be better though if you consolidated your chapters, cleaned up your typing a bit, added more stuff... you've got only bare bones of a story here, you need to beef it up a bit. I don't think you'll have to worry about it anymore. he started this comedy when he joined a few months ago and hasn't made any new additions since about when my girlfriend ferimi posted her thoughts in here. ~otuha |
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